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Leon Kass, respected author, professor and bio-ethicist, puts words to our worst fears in this second excerpt from a three-part series. Reading romantic subtext into completely normal communication?

Though it's discouraging news, being able to expose the problem is the first step toward finding a solution. Maybe you've been through a breakup but you can't stop thinking about your ex.

’ One plus side of internet dating is your friends needn’t get involved in your love life, because that’s a recipe for disaster. I’ve got the perfect guy for you — but he’s not quite ready yet.’ When I asked why not, she said: ‘Well, his wife’s not quite dead yet.’ Often, I’ve seen a guy’s photo and thought: ‘Wow! Some women I know go on these sites for the same reason men do, but that’s not my style. Most of the men I’ve met have dressed smartly — that’s probably an age thing.

’ But when you email them, you get a message back saying: ‘This man is not available.’ Or you get an email, but as soon as you ask for something like a phone number you never hear back. One friend met a gorgeous man online who said he was a TV presenter. I’m looking for someone to share dates and go to dinner parties with. Sadly, once men hit the 60 mark, they tend to go downhill a bit looks-wise. You can’t let it put you off leading a full life, though.

He sounded perfectly pleasant so we met up for a date in Manchester. For 17 years my sex life wasn’t up to much, so it was nerve-racking when I first got into bed with someone else. The first man I slept with after my husband was someone I met through a tennis club. I knew I didn’t want a long-term relationship with him — he wasn’t my type — but I did find him attractive, so we booked a proper date. Everyone who posts their picture online will have used one from at least ten or 15 years ago. I’ve turned up to several dates where I’ve walked into a restaurant, seen the man I’m supposed to be meeting, but he looks more like his father.

There are relationships that men commit to, and there are those that they don’t.

There simply aren’t many half-decent men out there.

I don’t know why, but my friends and I suspect that most older men don’t come out of a relationship unless there is another woman waiting in the wings.

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